I’m blogging again. It’s about damn time. Sorry for the
absence of my voice. I haven’t known what to say.
I have no idea what to say about Trump. I can’t encourage
you from a genuine place in my heart that believes it will all be ok. Dude is
really fucking some shit up. And it’s too outrageous to laugh at. His tweets
are truly crazier than fiction. I could not make #45 up in a novel.
The #metoo campaign brings me hope. But more on that in a
different blog. I’m finally blogging again because of a few things.
1.
My wonderful therapist asked me, why I think I
must have answers, to have something to offer.
2.
I got a job (woohoo) which means I have a
laptop, which means I can write any old where I want.
3.
I’ve thought about what my wonderful therapist
asked me, and have come to believe that my deep need to always have the answers
is really unhealthy and likely fueled my lifelong struggle with anxiety. So
that’s been a fun process.
2018 is around the corner, we’ve made it through almost a
year with this guy. How have you been coping?
I have been trying my darndest to not bury my head in the
sand. I’m an all-or-nothing person – finding the middle is new for me. So, I
went from watching Trump’s every move on C-Span to pretending Trump doesn’t
exist. Neither of these options are good options. Neither brings perspective,
or answers, or an “okness” with not having answers.
Now I read a little more entertainment news than I used
to (Khloe Kardashian had a great Thanksgiving in Cleveland!). I read Fox News
(it makes me happy when they critique Trump, too) and NPR and RedState and
Politico. And I do it when I want to because I want to know. I don’t check in
every five minutes, as if not knowing the latest idiotic tweet or repeal could
make or break society as we know it.
I like knowing stuff. I like having answers. Letting go
of this has been really hard. I’ve had some great discussions with my husband
about what he knows. He knows history. He understands the context of “normal”
for a presidency, far beyond what I know. I took a history course on the
Vietnam War in undergrad. It’s been helpful in easily comparing Trump to Nixon.
But one course, spanning 15 years of incredibly fucked up choices by U.S.
presidents and leaders, does not actually provide much perspective.
