Hi my blog readers. To be completely honest I am not ok. February has been a rough and shitty month. January wasn't all that great either, but that was pretty much just Trump's fault. February has been so full of my own shit that I've almost forgotten about Trump and Sean Spicer's tie selections.
Sometimes I'm ok with being a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM) and some days playing the overly gender defined role drives me bat shit crazy. My family was sick this month. The entire fucking month. And I kept trying to do life as normal, cause doing life like you're sick for a day is kinda fun, a few days can even be a nice break, but after a week of canceling everything, you start thinking you'll get better. And then the baby gets sick.
If the baby isn't sleeping I'm not sleeping. And our 2-year old is a trip! If the 2-yr old isn't happy, no one is allowed to be happy. Normally I'm a little crunchy, if they have a fever let it run its course, bodies know what they need to get better. Why get in the way of a God-given method of recovery? This is fine for the 9-yr old, not so much with the 2-yr old. Dose that child up because the rest of us need some sanity! She puts the baby to shame with her hysterics. She's acting either slain in the spirit or possessed. The Tylenol or Motrin runs out and she's straight back to crazytown. For A Week, people, this child had a fever for a straight week!!!
And moms aren't allowed to be sick. I have to be a bitch if I want to convalesce. I now understand the animalistic instinct to snap at people when they try to touch you when you're in pain. My kids try to hug me, and I got snot pouring out of my nose and snot pouring out of their noses. We're all hacking up a lung. No, I don't want to hug them or be hugged! My husband is just trying to avoid all of us so he doesn't have to call in sick and lose overtime pay.
He's getting a little tired of chicken soup so we take our snotty hacking feverish family to Quaker Steak, cause sick or not, I want to leave the house. It's been 2 weeks in this rapidly growing messier place. I've been disinfecting the hell out of it and washing puked up on and pooped on clothes and blankets but nothing else is getting cleaned!
And I'm sorry for infecting the world. Please forgive us. Quaker Steak put crime scene tape up around our booth as we walked out the door. I think I saw a lady in a plastic suite enter the restaurant with an 'Aftermath Blood Pathogen Cleaning Crew' kit in her hands.
To cap all that greatness off, I've been trying to intentionally stay sane by seeing a therapist. I firmly believe that everyone can benefit from mental health therapy. From the day we're born on this beautiful screwy planet, we are let down, abandoned, 1in 3 of us are sexually abused. Anyway, you too should see a therapist. It takes a lot of processing to make room for breathing.
The thing about therapy is it makes things harder. It forces you to face yourself and claim the good and the bad and the ugly, and love yourself anyhow & that's exhausting. I struggle with being honest with myself and my therapist, but somehow due to the exhaustion of February I've been able to be honest, for maybe the first time since I was a child and hadn't yet learned how lies protect ourselves from feelings.
So to be completely honest, my dear blog readers, February's been shitty. I'm not ok & I haven't found the energy to give a damn about Trump. 😘
Thanks for sharing this Sarah. I wonder if the whole world was sick in February. The teachers at my school were calling our school the Human Petri dish. This flu bug or whatever it's called has been spreading like crazy!! I don't think any of us had all of our kids present for a single day last month. My own daughter had a fever that lasted 5 days and when I took her in, all I got back was "Yep, it's influenza. She just needs to rest." Ugh!!! I do hope your family is on the mend for everyone's sanity. Also, I couldn't agree with you more on therapy. I was thinking about going again myself. I haven't gone since college. I agree that everyone should do it. It's like exercise for your brain. A regular dose is good for you.
ReplyDeleteI agree, I think 90% of everybody was sick February. I totally encourage you to go back to therapy, like how they go once a year in 'Mr. & Mrs. Smith' and then learn that they're both super hot spies. But seriously, I'm learning that checking in with your mental health is a good life habit. And thank you for the well wishes... We are all better now and even the baby's cough is almost gone.
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